Monday, December 1, 2008

Apology and Explaination

Today is December 1st, and marks the first day I have written a post in more than a month. My struggle today is where to begin. So much has been going on, what do I start with?

How about I start with an apology?

There were many of you that had taken an interest in my blog, and I was grateful to have found friends and encouragers to journey with. My "leave of absence" could very well have cause many to lose interest and move on to other blogs. I apologize that I left without any explaination, and I hope that you will find your way back to journey with me once again.

Today I will try and give you a general overview of what has taken place over the last two months, and in later entries expand on certain areas. So, here we go......

Back at the end of September my husband left his job. There is never a good time to be out of work, but the job was affecting every aspect of his life, and his health was become cause for great concern. We never dreamed that he would be out of work for more than a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, it has now been more than 2 months. To make matters worse, he is still fighting for his final pay. So income has been virtually non-existent.

This in itself would be enough stress to deal with, but as we neared the end of the first month, we found out that we are expecting baby number 3!

As I looked at the positive result on the test, I was overwhelmed. I looked up to heaven and cried out "What on earth are you thinking???!!!!!" I was flooded with emotions, and not one of them was good. So many thoughts were screaming in my head I thought I would go crazy. How do we afford another baby? Where do we put another baby? I don't have ANYTHING for a baby anymore!! I was done!!! Why didn't I push Gord to get snipped? This screws up my weight loss! I had just finally lost over 25lbs, and now I have to stop. I'm a horrible person because I'm not feeling happy that God has chosen to bless me with another child. And it went on and on and on.

I was afraid to tell my family. I was having a hard enough time dealing with it all, and didn't feel that I could handle the negative responses I was sure we'd get being that Gord was still out of work. For weeks I didn't tell them. They do all know now, and I am very grateful to say that everyone was very understanding and encouraging.

So here we are at the beginning of December. Gord is still out of work. I suffer with nausea ALL of the time, and need to take medication just to function somewhat normally, which really sucks. BUT.........

I feel truly blessed.

Over the last two months we have had the awesome priviledge to see God at work in our lives. We have been so blessed. We are so humbled by the generosity of family, friends, our church family, and complete strangers. We know that God has worked through them all to ensure that our needs have been provided for during this difficult time. I give Him all the thanks and praise.

Every day is a new day, and we have to believe that God does have a plan, and that as long as we trust in Him, He will provide.

I think this is all for today, but I promise to not leave it another month before I write again. May God bless you and your families :)

2 comments:

kadee29 said...

No apologies needed Janessa. Sometimes life can just be a bit too much.

First let me say Congratulations on your expected bundle of joy. Remember, God doesn't give you more than He knows you can handle.

I went back and read your letter to yourself. It was so inspiring to me when I first read it and it still is. I hope that you go back and read it. Your "At-Goal" self may have a few new things to say ;)

Know that we are all here and we support you, weight loss and ALL.

Good luck to you and yours.

Mary Frances said...

I pray you have peace and comfort and know that things will work out for the best. Unfortunately, God's time isn't always in sync with our time. But know and trust that He has an amazing job planned for your husband and an awesome future in store for the newest little one soon to be in your life.