Friday, February 27, 2009

Praise You In This Storm

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen",
and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper
through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper
through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

A friend sent me this song by Casting Crowns. It is beautiful, and speaks to my heart.

Baby Steps

There are days when I feel so totally overwhelmed by everything in my life. From the state of our non-existent finances, no car, no job for Gord, and baby number 3, to not making time to be alone with God, not dealing with the boys very well, my house being a disaster, lack of organization, laundry and dishes waiting to be done, and the list goes on and on.

I start the day looking at the mess, move a thing or two during the day, and end the day still looking at the mess and feeling like a failure as a wife, mom, and everything else.
A friend of mine asked me if I had made a to do list? I said that my list would be pages and pages long. So she told me to break it down to a list for each room of the house, and just work at it one item at a time. Sure I had thought of that before, but ideas always sound more intellegent, realistic, and doable from a friend.

So, I have started my Baby Steps. I have divided all my spaces, and made my lists. Now to just pick which space and which item to start on.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Your Comments Please

As you read through the posts on this blog, I would love to know what you think. Please leave a comment or two. Do you like what I've written? Do you hate it? Do you agree? Disagree? Does it make you think? Does it make you feel?

Will you take a moment and share in my journey?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Standing in His Glory

As I visit other people's blogs I have come to find that I LOVE when their writings are accompanied by pictures. Whether it be photographs, or cartoons, sketches, or clipart doesn't really matter. I enjoy what the images produce in me. It might be a smile, a tear, a laugh or an ache, but whatever it is, it helps me to feel alive, connected.

My own posts have become more than just a blob of words. I find myself searching to find images that will match what it is I am trying to say, and that will evoke some sort of response from my readers. I have pictures stored on my computer now just waiting to be used for such a purpose.

This is one those images.

I love this picture. I see that person as me, standing with my face towards the heavens, basking in the beautiful glory of God. His Light penetrating my dark places. His Love reaching through to find my weary heart. Guiding me back to Himself. Warm. Welcoming. It encourages me. It makes me want to get back to the photography I love but have forgotten for so long. It makes me hopeful.

What do you see?

A Nice Cup of Tea...

A nice cup of tea, and a moment of peace and quiet. Okay, well maybe not the peace and quiet part.
When I came home from picking up Gabe from school today Gord was enjoying a Green Tea Latte. Expressing my dismay that I was not brought a tea, he offered to make me one.
Well, he boiled the water atleast, then got distracted. However, being that the water had already boiled I figured heck, why not finish it myself then take a moment or two to enjoy it.
So, that's what I did.
With my tea in hand I escaped to my bedroom. Not that that is really an escape being that the boys were only 15 feet away in the living room hootin' and hollerin'. But it was nice anyway.
I sat back and took afew moments to enjoy sipping on that nice hot cup of tea, while reading a bit from a little book called Daily Inspirations of Blessings that a beloved friend had given me. Being that it was almost lunch time when I sat down, a book like that comes in handy as each section only takes a couple of minutes to read.
One of the scripture verses that went with the reading was Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This is a favourite verse of another friend of mine. She takes great comfort in it. I, on the other hand, have struggled to believe it as we trudge through our current circumstances. But today, another thought has made its way into my head.
Do I believe the Bible is real? Do I believe that what it says is true? Do I believe that God really exists?
My answers are, that being said, then I must believe the words of this verse as well. I can't believe that only parts of the Bible are true, or none of it would be. So, does God truly have a plan for me? He must. Do I see it? Nope. Do I feel it? Nope. But i'll have to choose to believe it.
I think i'll go make myself another cup of tea, and maybe grab some of that peace and quiet.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Do something different today

Today I thought i would try and take a different approach. I decided to open my bible, find a verse, and try and figure out what it is saying to me.

I opened my bible, flipped through some pages, read a verse, decided that I didn't want to try and figure that one out, moved on, and the next verse i read pretty much said the same thing. Apparently, it is a message I am supposed to try and understand today.

The verse:

Ephesians 3:20,21

Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen

So, what might this be saying to me?

If I just let Him work through me, let HIM do it, He can do far beyond anything that I could ever do, or even imagine. Let Him do it, and give Him the praise for whatever the result.

As I sit here in our current situation, I find it hard to rest. Praising God when my life seems so upside down is a difficult thing to do. I know that I am to trust Him, and He will make it all work out but how do I trust He will do that for us as we are on the verge of losing our home, the car is already gone, there is less than no money in our bank account, and only a few dollars in our pocket?
Somehow, I have got to find that trust in my heart. That trust of a child.
I love the Lord. I need to sit back and trust that He does love me as well.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Fear and Frustration

As another day begins, it is hard to find any hope that things will turn toward something better. All roads seem to come to a dead end. Fear, and frustration are clouds that cover me in a darkness that seems to have no way out. As I write this I dread what else the day might bring. Yesterday we had to give our car back, Gord is still looking for work, and in the next 2 days we need to pay the mortgage payment we are behind, as well as many other things that will start to be shut off if not paid, and I have absolutely no idea where to turn anymore.

Our journey these last five plus months has been a long and extremely difficult one. Yes there have been some amazing moments, but they are being far outweighed by the enormity of all the negative stuff. We have been looking to the Lord to provide the answers, and trusting that He will work it all out. However, when at every turn you get pushed back, and pushed further down, and get further and further in debt with no way to climb out, it gets harder and harder to believe that God cares, or that He is even listening. It is hard to believe that God is for us, as foreclosure looms days away.

Have we made mistakes in our lives? Of course. Are we still making them? Absolutely. I am not asking that we not have to work for what we receive, but at this moment we are in desperate need of help, and apparently help has moved to Antarctica.