Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Fear and Frustration

As another day begins, it is hard to find any hope that things will turn toward something better. All roads seem to come to a dead end. Fear, and frustration are clouds that cover me in a darkness that seems to have no way out. As I write this I dread what else the day might bring. Yesterday we had to give our car back, Gord is still looking for work, and in the next 2 days we need to pay the mortgage payment we are behind, as well as many other things that will start to be shut off if not paid, and I have absolutely no idea where to turn anymore.

Our journey these last five plus months has been a long and extremely difficult one. Yes there have been some amazing moments, but they are being far outweighed by the enormity of all the negative stuff. We have been looking to the Lord to provide the answers, and trusting that He will work it all out. However, when at every turn you get pushed back, and pushed further down, and get further and further in debt with no way to climb out, it gets harder and harder to believe that God cares, or that He is even listening. It is hard to believe that God is for us, as foreclosure looms days away.

Have we made mistakes in our lives? Of course. Are we still making them? Absolutely. I am not asking that we not have to work for what we receive, but at this moment we are in desperate need of help, and apparently help has moved to Antarctica.

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