A couple of days away

This has been a good week. On Sunday night the boys and I were picked up by my younger sister Jyll (who finally has her license - GO JYLLIE!!!) and we went to spend a couple of days with her and her family in Alliston. My boys LOVE being able to play with her girls. Zach still isn't quite sure about Piper, but everyone did pretty well. We took them to visit the ladies at our head office, played at the park, ran in the sprinkler, and made an even bigger mess of the basement. Loads of fun.

I really enjoy getting to spend time with Jyll. We sit up entirely too late at night chatting about anything and everything. (We were very productive though, and did our work while we chatted). You have to love my brother-in-law too. On several occasions in the past he has taken on all four of the younger kids to let Jyll and I go out. This time we were nice and had 3 of them asleep before we left. LOL. We went out and shared some great Spinach and Artichoke Dip at Crabby Joe's, and even splurged on a sundae as we sat and..yup you guessed it...chatted. (You would think we'd run out of things to talk about)

After our splurges, I was a little nervous about my weigh-in on wednesday. I knew that I had not gone over my allowed points for the week, but I did use my optional flex points. But I am happy to report that I am down another 2lbs! I walked out of my meeting, and felt good about myself. I know I still have a Backstreet Boy to lose, but I feel confident that I can achieve my goal this time.

Thanks everyone for your continued encouragement! It is needed and appreciated very much!

Reasons

Are there really any bad reasons for losing weight?

Does it matter how silly your reasons sound to someone else?

Does it matter if no one else understands them at all?

As someone who has a multitude of reasons, including some seemingly silly ones, I have to say that I don't think it matters one hoot what anybody else thinks about your goals as long as they get you off the couch and striving for your healthy weight and lifestyle.

Reasons to lose come in many shapes and sizes, not unlike those of us questing to be smaller. They are as simple as 'to feel better', and as life threatening as 'if I don't lose it, my doctor says it will kill me'. Thank the Lord I don't have the latter reason. However, I suppose, it would kill me eventually. Some are funny, others are sad, some everyone can relate to, others only mean something to you. In my opinion, you need as many reasons as it takes to motivate you to do something about it.

Me, yup you guessed it, I have TONS of reasons. Its funny how my FOR and AGAINST columns were in vast contrast, but my AGAINST list had always won the debate. You know, reasons like 'its too hard' and 'i don't have the energy or willpower'. Completely ridiculous! How do we let stupid thoughts like that keep us captive? Is losing weight fun or easy? Of course not, if it was we wouldn't have Obesity in epidemic proportions in this country. Is it time for you to get off the couch? Only you can make that decision, but my time is now. I will no longer be held back by the negative thoughts that I have. I know that those thoughts will continue to plague me, but it is my choice whether I give in to them or not.

I know you are dying to hear some of my reasons, so here are a few for you in no particular order.

*To be able to be active with my boys and husband

*To be able to shop at regular stores in regular sizes

*To fit on a roller coaster

*To not have my thighs rub together

*To not be winded walking up a flight of stairs

*To participate in my life instead of being a spectator

*To feel good about myself and the way I look

*T0 be able to wear a bikini (not that I will wear a bikini, but it will be nice to have that choice)

*To make my family proud

The last reason I will share with you has to do with my two little boys. Gabe started school this year, and every day I would take him to school and pick him up. Over and over again I would think about how mean kids can be as they get older. The last thing I want is to be a source of hurt and embarrassment for my kids. I don't want them to be ridiculed for having a "Fat" mom.

Reasons. These are some of mine. What are yours? What is keeping you on the couch? Better yet, what will it take to get you off of it?

OMG! I have to walk back up that?

Yesterday we took a trip to Niagara Falls with our boys. We were supposed to be going to pick up a car at another dealership to take back to Gord's work, but after stopping for 2 and a half hours at his work, it ended up that we no longer had to go. Unfortunately I had already told Gabe that we were going to see the big waterfall. We decided that we would go anyway since we were already prepared to go. So, off we went.

The drive wasn't too bad. The first half was a bit slow with traffic, but it picked up eventually. Then Zach, who had missed his morning nap and fallen asleep shortly after we got on the road, woke up VERY unhappy. Bawling child in car, we decided that we would take a slight detour and stop in at the Great Wolf Lodge to see what that was all about. Then had to stop for further directions after missing a turn that isn't marked (imagine). We stopped at a Tim Horton's, had a bathroom break, picked up some timbits and directions, and got back in the truck. Turns out being out of the truck for afew minutes and timbits made all things better for Zach.

I have to say that the Great Wolf Lodge is quite the place. Essentially a HUGE log cabin, they have rooms that will hold up to 8 guests, some having built in bunk beds, or a cool wolf den for kids. The lobby is setup with a nice big fireplace and places to sit. Apparently they have a bedtime story told every night in the lobby. There are anamatronic animals like wolves, moose, a bear, and even a tree. The tree, bear and a moose at the back end of the lobby will talk to you if you press the handprint buttons in front of them. Zach thought that was cool. Gabe took a bit to warm up to it, but once he did it was hard to get him to stop pushing the buttons. But the main feature is a huge indoor waterpark. Amazing. Waterslides of every shape and size, wading pools, and more. It was hard to pull Gabe away. Needless to say we think that we will try and arrange a trip there. However, it will be in the off season when prices are MUCH cheaper.

After spending an hour walking around checking things out, we got back into the truck and headed for the Falls. We drove past first which really didn't get the boys attention. They were busy watching Blues Clues. We choked on the cost of parking near the falls and decided to head back and see about finding cheaper parking. We went up Murray Street, and found a lot that was charging $5. Far better than the $20 they wanted down by the falls. We paid, parked, then pulled out the stroller and headed back down. As we started down the hill there were two thoughts running through my head. First, Gord don't let go of the stroller. Second, Oh My Goodness, I'm going to have to walk back up this hill!! For those of you who have not been to the Falls, some of the streets are VERY steep. Very easy to get down, not so much fun getting back up. Anyway, we got to the bottom and I didn't think about it again...atleast not until we were heading back.

The boys were quite taken with the Falls, and we even took the typical tourist pictures. We visited both the US and the Canadian viewpoints. Gabe thought it was raining, and just didn't seem to understand that it was the mist from the Falls. They loved watching the boats down at the bottom too. It didn't take long however for them to be ready to go. By that time it was already 6:30, and we still hadn't had anything to eat for supper. So, you guessed it, back up the darn hill. Gord took the stroller with Zach in it, and Gabe was walking with me. With every step I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter. (with any physical activity my face always looks like I have a horrible sunburn lol) But, we all made it to the top. At that point Gabe gave up and didn't want to walk anymore and got into the stroller. Maybe Gord will push us all up next time LOL. I think that will be one of my goals when I finally reach my goal weight. To walk up that hill without being winded.

Anyway, now that this blog entry has gone on way too long, I will finish quickly. Back in the car, find a place for dinner that won't cost an arm and leg or a days worth of points, not really that successful, eat, get back in car, drive home, put sleeping boys in bed, fall into bed ourselves. It was a good day. Nice to be able to spend some time doing something as a family. We don't get the opportunity for that very often.

Successful first week

Success, I am down 2.6lbs for my first week. Its not as much as I had hoped for, but I guess my hoping for 4 or 5lbs might have been a tad high. Even so, I am very happy with getting rid of 2.6lbs off my body forever! I am visualizing 2 and a half pounds of butter, and knowing that is gone is a great motivator. The meeting yesterday was fun too. At week two you receive a book mark to keep your "reward" stickers on. If you have a good week on the scale, or a non-scale victory, or something like that, they give you stickers to place on your bookmark. I received my first sticker for my good weigh-in. LOL. It does make you smile.

The leader yesterday (who is the regular wednesday morning leader-she was on holidays last week) lost 40 pounds 14 years ago and has been a lifetime member ever since. That's very encouraging to me. She lost the weight ( much less than I have to lose, but still) and has kept it off for all that time. I can too.

Yesterday was also my workday. I ended up telling the girls I work with about joining. Several of them are in the process of losing weight and getting healthy too. They were very encouraging. They are a great bunch to work with, and I hope that I have been an encouragement to them as well

Thank you to all of you. May we be successful on this journey together.

So, on to week two. This week my goal is to get in more exercise. I only managed to get my exercise twice this past week, and I know that I need to fit it in more. My challenge to anyone reading this....get out there and move more this week! Let me know what and how you do :)

Here's to a few more steps in the right direction!!

Mixed Emotions

Tomorrow morning is my second Weight Watchers meeting. My first weeks weigh-in. I have mixed feelings about it. I am happy with the way my week has gone, but I am a little nervous about how it will turn out on the scale. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations, but I hope it is a good result. Usually people have a larger loss the first couple of weeks on the program, and I don't want to just have a small loss. I know that I should be happy no matter what the number is as long as it is going down. I should be happy with the accomplishment of making the decision, and committing to myself to get it done....and I am happy, but lets face it, we are programmed to watch the scale. (and my home scale is nowhere near accurate or consistent, so it is just frustrating to step on it...which I still do of course...because you never really know what the right number is)

Anyway, time will tell. Here's to one more day on the program, and more steps in the right direction.

Journey Along with Me

When I considered starting this blog, I thought it was for me. A place that I could write down my thoughts and feelings in a nice, neat, and easy way. No papers needed - Lord knows there are enough "papers" in my house already. But, when I actually began to write it, I felt the need to have someone read it. Someone to give me a little feedback, some positive reinforcement. Sure, the things I write mean something to me, but I found myself wanting them to mean something to someone else as well.

My sisters were a perfect choice. They would tell me if they liked it. But if they didn't like it, they would still understand why I was doing it and provide that support that I felt I needed. They are true blessings in my life and they didn't disappoint.

My darling sisters, I love you very much. You are treasures in my life that I cherish daily. I am blessed to be your sister. Much love to you both, Always

With much thought, I have come to understand that this is not a journey I have to take alone. I have a VERY supportive husband and family, who will help in any way they can. I just have to let them in. But apart from family, there are also many others out there who are on their own journey, and if they might find encouragement and a little humour or hope by reading the triumphs and struggles of another, then I want them to read. So, here I am. I welcome all those who wish to journey along with me.

Small Victories

Last night I decided that I had to get out and get some much needed exercise. A couple of years ago I had a route that I walked regularly. So, I decided to try it. It is a 4.1km route, and I used to be able to walk it in 44mins on my worst day. I am proud to say, I managed to complete it in 47. Just 3 minutes off my old time (and carrying 50+ pounds more) Not too bad at all.

Thank heaven for small victories. They make you want to keep going. I know it has only been a couple of days, but I am happy with the way those few days have gone. One more day, one more step.

A HUGE STEP!

Today I took a huge step. This morning at 9am I joined Weight Watchers. I am signed up for the next 26weeks (which is the longest/cheapest you can pay at a time). I had made the decision to join awhile ago, saved the money, and arranged for my darling sister to come early to watch the boys. So, off I went. I was nervous. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, and for me to walk into an unknown situation ALONE, is out of my comfort zone. I knew I had to do it though, and I did.

As soon as I got into the car to head to the meeting I had a lump in my throat. As I drove I tried to listen to the radio to take my mind off of it, which didn't work. Eventually I turn the radio off and spent the rest of the drive praying. I pulled into the lot and parked, turned off the car, took a deep breath, and in I went. I stood just inside the doorway and looked around, not really sure what I was supposed to do, but I was there, and that meant a great deal to me. A moment later another woman walked in. I recognized her as a woman I had served many times during my years at Black's. I was grateful for the friendly face. (Thank you Papa)She told me what to do, and with that I was off to register. There was no question in my mind. I was signing up TODAY!

After some paperwork, and paying my money, it was time for the first weigh-in! Ouch! I was not ready for the number I saw. Apparently my home scale is not as accurate as I had thought. But, it had to be done, and this is the last time I will ever see a number that high on a scale! So with that out of the way I sat down for my first meeting. (I'll tell you more about meetings another time) I walked out of there after discussing how to get started with one of the leaders (a lovely lady), got in the car, and let out a huge sigh. I did it. It may sound stupid to anyone else, but it was a huge deal for me. I had taken my first real step towards finding myself again. With some quick text messages to my husband and sister, and some wonderful words of support back, I sat and cried. Relief. Here I am, and I am finally heading in the right direction. What a great feeling.

An Okay Day

Well, Day One went okay. I got all of my water in, and didn't have much of an issue with needing to pee (that came at night when I was up 3 times). My exercise was a little shy of what I would have liked, but 10 times around our court was better than nothing. It was SO hot out there, my boys were melting into sweat puddles. I will need to do something inside if the heat stays this bad outside. As for food, I was quite happy with what I ate. I need to eat a better breakfast though. When you start to watch what you put in, you realize how many times a day you absent-mindedly pick up something to snack on. Now I have to make the choice to make better decisions.

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Here's some motivation for your day.

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right!

I know I CAN!!

Day One

I woke up this morning, not really ready to face the day, nevermind the daunting journey that I have set out before me. Regardless of whether I am ready or not though, DAY ONE starts today.

So what are the goals for today? Weigh-in was first. FUN! FUN! I will record my weight once a week, and try to stay off the scale the rest of the time. With weigh-in now out of the way, the goals I will be pushing for today are to drink 2litres of water ( 3 will be the eventual goal, but since I haven't been drinking much water lately, i'll start with a little less so I don't spend my day in the bathroom). The next goal is to do some form of exercise. A walk, chasing the boys in the school yard, a workout video...something, anything!! The last goal for today is to pay close attention to what goes into my mouth and when. My plan is to keep a daily food journal to be able to keep myself in check.

I have set out my water, the first 250mls are done, and now the boys and I are ready to head outside for some playtime. Steps in the right direction. So, with that, my journey begins.

Jiggling Giant

How do I see myself? Well, most of the time I would rather not. I do not find mirrors or windows very kind to a person carrying extra pounds...and a lot of them. One can remain in a blissful state of denial without them. However, inevitably you will eventually walk past a shop window and catch, out of the corner of your eye, a stranger stalking you. Freaked out, you'll quicken your pace. You'll glance back at the figure who is still in pursuit, but they are now doing a weird jiggle dance. Horrified you'll try to go even faster, but fat and fast do not go hand in hand. It is then, as you start to breath heavy and turn to tell this jiggling giant to back off cause you've got mace, that you'll realize that the jiggling giant is you!!

Bliss gets replaced with numerous other emotions. Disbelief, embarrassment, disgust, an overwhelming sadness. How could I have let myself get to this point? That's the million dollar question, isn't it? It is not that I want to be fat. It certainly isn't that I enjoy being fat either. It is the compilation of a million little things all joining together throughout my life. Good, bad, happy, sad, in some way they all contribute to the view I have of myself. Sure, I know that my view is distorted. I know that I am much harder on myself than anyone else is. I also know that I feel overwhelmed by it at times.

I can make a thousand excuses about why I haven't started this journey earlier, but ultimately it doesn't matter. What does matter is what I CHOOSE to do today, and from this point on.

What is your choice?

The Beginning

Here I am. This is my journey. I am a woman who has been lost somewhere along life's path, and is ready to find herself again. I have been buried under an enormous 'weight' for far too long. My goal is to not only physically lose pounds, but to shed the weight of fear, embarrassment, denial, regret, and so much more. It has taken a long time to get to this point, but it is TIME!! I WILL NOT REMAIN IN THE DARKNESS ANY LONGER.Maybe by sharing my journey, someone else might find their way back to LIFE.